I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
