I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
