Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
