I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
