You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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