i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
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