good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's rum buckets o'clock
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize