Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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