i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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