She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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