Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
