when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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