Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
