see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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