Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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