white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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