I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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