Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.