Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"