Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?