you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
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I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?