Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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