Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
