just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
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Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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