somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.