totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.