we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out