Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
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The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
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