Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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