Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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