Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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