whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
