Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
