so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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