it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
