Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize