She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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