So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's rum buckets o'clock
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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