Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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