I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
