Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
