Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
