why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
