im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
