Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
