How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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