I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
