I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
