I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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