should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
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Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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