I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
