dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
