Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
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Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
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So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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