I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
