im six kinds of drunk right now
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck