That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.