i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Should I go bust a nut on the beach