Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
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thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
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Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me