Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.