i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie