I CAN MOONWALK!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
40s are totally the cure
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.