saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up